i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
