While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
