i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
