At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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