I need help removing her.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
