i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize