sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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