dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
