my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
