Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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