This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
my liver is dry heaving
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
