it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
