Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
