Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
