i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
