it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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