So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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