Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
