"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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