I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
