At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
