A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
