I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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