mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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