It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
