Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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