omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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