Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
