What tipped you off? The sombrero?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
