I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
