Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
