your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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