Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
