I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
