Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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