A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
