I'm jealous of your bromance
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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