Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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