carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
