Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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