Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
