Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
