Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
