Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
