tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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