He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
