a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
