whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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