you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
