im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
