I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize