I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
