You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
of course. lets lasso hookers.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
