i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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