seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
