I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
