Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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