just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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