what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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