Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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