As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
