I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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