Can Purell be used as lube?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
